"Build Your Confidence: Increase your Self-Esteem and Stop Self-Hatred"

Jul 3, 20216 min read

“Build Your Confidence: Increase Your Self-Esteem and Stop Self-hatred”

Written by: Jhon Abaga, Admin/Creator - Life Exploration

Date updated: June 30, 2021

According to Lena Firestone (n.d), low self-esteem is characterized by a lack of confidence and bad feeling about oneself. Often, individuals lacking self-esteem feel unlovable, awkward, or incompetent. They also see rejection and disapproval even when there is not any. Furthermore, people with low self-esteem tend to rebuff. There are also different attributes a person with low self-esteem has. Some of them include hypervigilance to any signs of rejection. So as hyperalertness and inadequacy.

People who have lesser confidence tend to doubt their selves and the qualities that they have. Most people who lack self-esteem feel the burden of self-hatred and feeling that they aren’t good enough for anyone and anything. They are more vulnerable to people’s judgments-people who may criticize their actions.

……….

According to Robert Firestone, a person with low self-esteem has a ‘harsh inner critic,’ which refers to the critical inner voice. It is responsible for a negative perceived self (also called negative self–talk). Meaning, the inner voice you have in yourself is restraining you from believing in yourself and your own abilities.

This negative inner voice limits your ability to achieve your full potential by constantly telling you that you are not good enough. It diminishes your confidence to create courage and strive to make changes in your life positively. It is like a virus spreading inside you. Lena Firestone also said in her article that “having a negative perception of oneself can have serious consequences.”

If a person believes that if other people don’t like them, they are more likely to avoid interactions with others and are quicker to react defensively, cynically, or even lash out. These reasons explain why others see themselves as someone who does not deserve love and cannot be accepted.

People who have an inaccurate or negative self-concept and have no self-belief of who they really are may or will experience several feelings and behaviors (Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D., 2014). This includes:

1. Unnecessary self-protection;

2. Fear of rejection or abandonment;

3. Unwillingness to take risks;

4. Inability to address personal wants and needs;

5. Development of self-destructive thinking patterns that negatively characterize the person;

6. Limited ability to form close, personal relationships or friendships; and

7. Weakened ability to address and solve problems.

The more we perceive ourselves negatively, the more it brings negative thoughts. The worst-case scenario is we ended up hating even those little things about ourselves, such as our character, personality, appearance, status, etc. This harsh inner critic that you have will constantly tell you things like:

“You’re not smart.”

“Nobody will ever like you.”

“No one will stay to you.”

“You’re worthless.”

“Your body is awful.”

“You can’t do good things.”

This destructive inner critic will literally destroy you from the inside-it will take away your confidence and self-esteem. Eventually, it becomes further troublesome to believe in other people who can see us exceptionally—others that could see us differently; in a positive way.

You must challenge these negative thoughts and stand up to your inner critic to overcome them and face your self-doubts and issues. There’s no other way but to face it.

Stop listening to the inner critic that provides you with lots of negative thoughts—countervail your inner critic. You can list down all negatives thought you have in mind and write down the things that contrast the negative ones and keep on reminding yourself of the positive ones. Clear your thought of negative feelings, slowly and carefully until it becomes a constructive inner critic.

Stop comparing yourself to other people—we are different from one another, yet we are outstanding in our own way. Sometimes, as we compare ourselves to others, we are blinded by the awards, fame, good times, and other tangible things—all the external achievements they are bragging about. This can only be seen by our naked eyes. From that, the feeling of unhealthy competition will arise and took over. The sense of our self-importance will again backfire towards us. So, stop comparing yourself to others. Comparing ourselves to others will do nothing better. Make it as an inspiration to achieve something or to improve something.

Treat yourself as the most valuable person—practice self-compassion. Value your feelings and your qualities, including your flaws. Appreciate yourself as what you are and who you are. Accept the things that make you vulnerable and turn them into your strengths. Self-compassion will increase your confidence in yourself. Yes, it is not as easy as it sounds. However, the more you practice being compassionate with yourself, the more you will develop this skill. And the more development you will have, the more increase in self-esteem you will gain over time. Instead of looking at the external things you are measuring, create a good habit that will help you build more confidence. Set goals that will counteract your negative self-judgments and focus on improving parts of yourself that you want to improve.

Respect yourself first—your feelings matter, what you think is significant, for that you should respect your own perceptions. Respect yourself physically and mentally – put yourself first.

Engage yourself in bigger things—do something meaningful. Find out what other things you can do that will give value to your existence and to others as well. It might be things that could help other people who are also struggling or even participating in social activities. These things will give you positive vibes and will uplift your good sense of pride. This is also a magnificent way to build confidence and self-esteem.

As Evan Sanders mentioned in his book, The 3 Secrets, “you always owned a Ferrari. You just need to remember that you never lost it.” Like the quote stated, you always have it. You just need to find it in you and connect with it. It doesn’t matter how long you have been disconnected from your confidence because you always have it in you—it is waiting for you to find within yourself. All you have to do is tap into it. When you do that, your confidence unlocks all the gifts you already have, and everything will start to be in its proper direction (Sanders, 2020).

You can find your confidence. It is inside you all this time—buried somewhere deep within your heart and covered with all the negative thoughts your self-critic feeds you over time. Buried away by all the suffering, pain, and judgment about you from other people who made you believe that you are the worst person, but you’re not. You can find it—you can have your confidence once again.

You see, no matter how long you have been disconnected from your confidence and your self-esteem, you always have it. Believe in yourself and believe in who you really are.

“You are wise.”

“You deserve to be loved.”

“You are good enough.”

“You are worthy for someone or something.”

“You are beautiful.”

“You are talented.”

“You are unique.”

Believe in all the marvelous things you can be because you already are.

Don’t let your negative inner voice drag you down—you are powerful than that, and you can get through it. Don’t let it destroy the wonderful person you already are. Challenge yourself to counter those negative thoughts. Once you do, you’ll be able to say to yourself with pride that you can face anything, and you’re ready for what may come.